she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
