Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
She said her name was "party"
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
