I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
