True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
we should paint friendship bongs
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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