had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
