Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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