is your mom at the bar?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
