There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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