i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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