Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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