so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
