Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
