Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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