Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
