Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I have post one night stand depression
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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