FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
