Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
