saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
How does it feel to date your dad?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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