you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
