i always forget guys have bellybuttons
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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