She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
