I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
