Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
so much tequila, so little girl.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
