her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think people are normalizing furries
wow bdsm is so cute
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
