i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
