Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
