And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
