I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Randomize
