I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
