just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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