Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
