I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
