do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
