tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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