they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
