True but thats because hes a fetus.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
