He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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