I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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