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I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
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