there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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