there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
