i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
