is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
