So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
