he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
