remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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