her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
there was a trapeze. enough said
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
