soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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