Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
