oh god the rape fog is back!
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
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