Dual....:-)
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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