if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
