I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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