My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
