youre lurking in front of me
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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