We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
