It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
