So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
