Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
