conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
