We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize