My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
