drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
