She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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