How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
We were destined to go to rehab together
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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