I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize