Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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