Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize