You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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