I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
