Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
