Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
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