I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Randomize
